I always thought I am not the jealous type and maybe, just maybe, for some stupid reason, that is true. At least, I’m not psychotic jealous which in a way makes me not jealous at all right? Semi-jealous is not jealous and overly jealous is the term of being jealous. I never believed in being normal jealous; as in semi and overly bashed together to form ‘jealousy’. I always thought it’s either you are too jealous or not jealous at all. And since I’m not too jealous, I’m not jealous at all.
But it came to me that I am somewhat of a jealous type, but no TOO jealous, just so-so. You know what I mean? (Is this what you’d call denial?)
I thought of the reason why I look at myself as being the non-jealous type and I finally found the answer. It’s because I have no one to be jealous of or in this case, I don’t have a person whom I ‘own’. See, what makes be all jealous is when someone I don’t know totally take away the person I ‘own’. It’s complicated, but if you have my brain, you’d know that it’s perfectly simple and I’m not crazy (yet).
When I say jealous, I mean jealousy that involves someone you are close to or like. See, it’s been awhile since I like somebody and now that I have that somebody that I like, it’s clear to me as to why I am being all jealous and everything. And it’s crazy because seriously, I AM AN INDEPENDENT GIRL WHO DOES NOT NEED A BOY. But now that this someone came in my life, it’s kinda hard to keep my words.
See, I told you feelings are crazy.
I want to blame my hormones for making me feel like this. Maybe I do blame my hormones. My period is crazy. But then again, I’ve been feeling all jealous even before period time, so it can’t be the period. So like, screw that. I am jealous. I am jealous because some girl is trying to get with this guy that I like and he’s giving her the one thing that I wanted him to give me.
(That kinda make me sound like I want his virginity. Hahaha… But seriously, no.)
Anyway, he keeps on telling me that it’s nothing and that I shouldn’t be all demanding to want that because I have the better part of him; I know him well as compared to that girl. And as much as I want to be all flattered that he said that (which I am), the other big chunk of him, even though it may not be important for him to be sharing with me, is as important in this so-called relationship.
(But I mean, it’s not a relationship. We are just friends. But no, we’re closer than friends.)
Some of part of me cannot believe that he gave her what I always wanted. I felt cheated in a sense. I do. To have her be all, “you’re so cute!” is ridiculous because I don’t even know if he is cute at all. But then again, there’s this part of me that’s over that whole drama. I mean, I am happy to be having what I have which is being really close to him and our 2 years worth of friendship. And to know that she doesn’t have that makes me feel good. Super good.
I don’t even think that I am entirely jealous of what she got from him. The thought of knowing him much better and having been through a lot together just totally shut everything else that she received from him. Because clearly, that part of him that she got is nothing compared to what I have.
So now, I’m not jealous anymore. Man, I just resolved my own jealously through writing! :S
How awesome is that?????? I rock my socks out!
When I say jealous, I mean jealousy that involves someone you are close to or like. See, it’s been awhile since I like somebody and now that I have that somebody that I like, it’s clear to me as to why I am being all jealous and everything. And it’s crazy because seriously, I AM AN INDEPENDENT GIRL WHO DOES NOT NEED A BOY. But now that this someone came in my life, it’s kinda hard to keep my words.
See, I told you feelings are crazy.
I want to blame my hormones for making me feel like this. Maybe I do blame my hormones. My period is crazy. But then again, I’ve been feeling all jealous even before period time, so it can’t be the period. So like, screw that. I am jealous. I am jealous because some girl is trying to get with this guy that I like and he’s giving her the one thing that I wanted him to give me.
(That kinda make me sound like I want his virginity. Hahaha… But seriously, no.)
Anyway, he keeps on telling me that it’s nothing and that I shouldn’t be all demanding to want that because I have the better part of him; I know him well as compared to that girl. And as much as I want to be all flattered that he said that (which I am), the other big chunk of him, even though it may not be important for him to be sharing with me, is as important in this so-called relationship.
(But I mean, it’s not a relationship. We are just friends. But no, we’re closer than friends.)
Some of part of me cannot believe that he gave her what I always wanted. I felt cheated in a sense. I do. To have her be all, “you’re so cute!” is ridiculous because I don’t even know if he is cute at all. But then again, there’s this part of me that’s over that whole drama. I mean, I am happy to be having what I have which is being really close to him and our 2 years worth of friendship. And to know that she doesn’t have that makes me feel good. Super good.
I don’t even think that I am entirely jealous of what she got from him. The thought of knowing him much better and having been through a lot together just totally shut everything else that she received from him. Because clearly, that part of him that she got is nothing compared to what I have.
So now, I’m not jealous anymore. Man, I just resolved my own jealously through writing! :S
How awesome is that?????? I rock my socks out!
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